How Many balloons Would It Take to Lift a House?

Slate Magazine's take on the Physics of Pixar's Up!

http://www.slate.com/id/2219775/

How to file an income tax return, Philippine style

Background: I had 2 employers for the fiscal year 2008. The company I left decided they wont bother submitting my tax deductions to the BIR and promptly returned the money they originally withheld. I was thus forced to file my own Income Tax Return.

Following is the harrowing detail of how I filed and paid for my Tax Return today...

9:45 - A quick stop at the ATM to get money for my tax payment

10:00 - After breakfast and doing a bit of chatting with my wife, I promptly left the house and proceeded to the city hall to file my tax return. Upon reaching city hall, I was barred from entering the premises by the guard on duty because he said I was not wearing proper attire (shorts and sandals)

10:20 - Upon being refused entry to city hall, I decided to proceed to Riverbanks Mall where I had seen a satellite BIR booth the day before. I thought the mall woudn't mind me dressed in board shorts and sandals. The guy at the booth looked at my tax return form (1700) and told me that he only accepts returns without paayment. Since I will need to pay taxes, I should proceed to the nearest bank (PNB) that accepts tax payments.

11:00 - I arrived at the nearest PNB Branch.. which is across the street from City Hall!!! The guard gave me a form to fill out and a number (48) the bank was serving number 15 at the time. I waited... and waited for more than an hour.

12:15 - Finally the teller called my number... and was told that they were offline and couldn't accept my payment since they cannot credit the money to the BIR Account. I was told to proceed to the next nearest PNB Branch.. in Masinag, Antipolo.

12:35 - As I proceeded to PNB Masinag, I passed by Veterans Bank. Knowing that they accept BIR payments, I stopped, only to be told that they only accept BIR payments on Tuesdays and Thursdays... and it is a Wednesday. Blood pressure at this point: 120/90

12:45 - Passed by a BDO branch. I didnt know if they accept paayments but as i was starting to get frustrated, I tried asking. Nope, they dont accept BIR payments.

12:55 - Passed by a Landbank branch. I was sure they accept BIR payments, being a government run bank. I drove around the U turn slots near Sta Lucia to get to the other side where the bank is. The guard told me they were offline. Grrr (blood pressure: 125/95. I decided to drive all the way to PNB Masinag branch where the original bank teller told me to go.

1:00 - I arrived at PNB Masinag Branch and was told to fall in line at the "new accounts" desk. "Same bank, different procedures?" I thought to myself. After waiting for 20 minutes, my turn had finally arrived. The teller promptly stamped "received" on my form and told me to wait my turn at the teller counter to be able to pay. .. and oh by the way, they are offline too so I would have to wait until they get back online. ARGHHHHH.

1:35 - I decided to try my luck at the UCPB Branch right beside the PNB branch. They told me they accept BIR payments. And there was no line at the counter! Nirvana!! or so I thought. The teller told me that my form was already stamped "received" by PNB. I was told to go back and have them cancel the "received" stamp. so I went back.

1:45 - I returned to UCPB with the cancelled stamp over the received stamp on my form only to find that there was a new client.. and he was depositing... COINS!!!!! I swear I am not making this up. I took them forever to count the coins and accept the deposit.

2:00 - Finally, it was my turn. The teller took my form, took my money, stamped something, counted my change and then done, it took 2 minutes. That's it.

No wonder so many people evade paying taxes!

Guys have nothing left to live for..

News article from popsci.com:

"Drop that Sock! Masturbation May Cause Cancer"

New study links ejaculation frequencies to rates of prostate cancer; but the jury's still out.

http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2009-01/drop-sock-masturbation-may-cause-cancer

A Geek's Dream Come True...

This is happening as I am writing this piece...

I am in a Netopia Branch near my former office whiling away the time waiting for an appointment when the ultimate geek dream happened (is happening as I write this).

A beautiful, tall, model-like lady just entered Netopia wearing a white skimpy short (and I mean Short!) dress and sat next to my computer terminal. Her perfume wafts over me as if enticing me to introduce myself.

This would have been the luckiest day of my life if I weren't a) married and b) a total geek!

Assume for a moment that I am still single and have the liberty to pick up chicks, this perfect situation would still be a total disaster because I am a *refer to item B above*. I was a total shy-type dude when I was single it's a miracle I ever got married in the first place.

I guess this wouldn't be a Geek's dream after all... more like agony when I think about it.

*Disclaimer* - I believe married dudes should be allowed to "look but don't touch". And thats just what I am doing, honest dear!

George Carlin 1937 - 2008

George Carlin died today. In my humble opinion, the greatest stand-up comedian ever!

The following excerpt from one of his monologues best describes the man:

"Quality, style, service, selection, convenience, economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money back guarantee, free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking, no cash no problem, no kidding, no fuss no muss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payment on interest until September... but ... limited time only though so act now, order today, send no money, offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply, so come on in for a free demonstration and free consultation with our friendly professional staff. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection thats just right for you and just right for your budget. And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet, pocket pencil sharpener, yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. Its our way of saying thank you, and, if you act now, we'll include a extra added free complimentary bonus gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet, combination key ring, magnifying glass and garden hose in a genuine, imitation leather style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim, yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. Its our way of saying thank you."

We will miss you.

Here we go again!

It's been a loooong while since i last posted a blog; almost a year in fact. What a year it has been. I've been preoccupied with a lot of things... been busy running around the great hippodrome we call the rat race.

Let's see.. what has happened since my last blog... hmmm.... gasoline is now Php 56.57 per liter! A sack of rice costs Php 2,000.00! The world is continuing its relentless march towards climate change; terrorism, famine, anarchy.... you know, the usual stuff.

Dad died last March. We're still very much affected by the loss.

But hey! since I last blogged, some good things happened as well.

My kid turned 1 year old this year. I got a new job that pays well (although I don't know how good it will remain given our runaway inflation rate).

Interesting times!

Have you seen the Philippines?

My Lakbayan grade is C+!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out atLakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

The map above shows the places I've been to.